Galaxy High School - A Deeply Stupid Story
by Eysabelle Perfume
Summary: OK this is going to be about love between Rey and Kylo Ren in a high school called Galaxy. She is a rich orphan and he is a small town boy. I will keep trying to make this better so please review and tell me if I am doing it right! Oh and there will be supernatural occult stuff later and also sex.
1. Chapter 1

**Rey and Kyloceraptor**

It was at Galaxy High School, in the town called Galaxy, of Southern California.

Everybody in life called her Rey. Her parents were dead. Nobody knew what they called her because of that being dead thing.

She lived in her car that was the only thing her parents left her when they died. It was not a very fancy car, but it was all she had.

Until this happened: her grandmother died. She's never seen her grandmother before. She had to move to the house left to her in the will of her multi-millionaire grandmother. It was a mansion, mostly. Though part of it was a castle from Europe, and part of it was a yurt from Mongolia, and another part of it was made out of the cardboard boxes that refrigerators come in.

And it was in Galaxy.

She went to Galaxy High School that first day. A guy in a helmet, he says to his best friend Hax "Oh wow look at her!"

"Who says that?" Rey demands in anger.

A tall guy in a helmet. He's sexy but in a very annoying way.

"My name ... is ... Kyloceraptor. And you ... will... be ... MINE!"

xoxoxoxo

Well I tried to make it better, but it's still not that good. Leave reviews and I will make it better from what you give as advice, and then in a few chapters it will get really naughty!


	2. Chapter 2

"No," said Rey. "Stop. Stop it. That isn't how it was at all."

Kylo rolled his eyes, and sighed. "Honey, nobody cares. Nobody is going to fact check this thing."

"It's still important," Rey said. "At least, it's important to me."

"Don't start that again."

"I know you could care less."

"Oh, geez."

"Mr. Fricking Dynastic Powerful Dude."

"Just – just do what you want, Rey. I'm sure it will be just fine and everybody will love it."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Galaxy, California. Population 325 on a good day. Nobody knew where the hell it was. Nobody knew it existed. It was just some crappy little town so far from the interstate that cars were practically a rumor. And yet, this was where Rey's rich grandmother had built her mansion, and where she had lived, and where she had died. In her will, she had saddled her granddaughter with a sizeable inheritance and a requirement that residence in Galaxy was the only way Rey could get at it.

Rey wondered about that. If you lived in your car and earn your bread and gasoline selling scrap, well, there was a lot of freedom in that. No ties, no school, and a quick exit if things went south with the local authorities. To rattle around in a 100-room mansion and attend Podunk High School in exchange for 3 squares a day, plus boggling amounts of spending loot … that was tempting, but there had to be a catch somewhere. There was always a catch.

But when her first day at Galaxy High rolled around, and the tall dude in the welding mask accosted her in the hallway, threw her over his shoulder, carried her into shop class, and announced that he'd marry her if she could replace the carburetor on his John Deere, she figured there didn't need to be a catch. Obviously, everybody in Galaxy, California was bug-fricking-crazy.


	3. Chapter 3

"Like I know about tractors," Rey said contemptuously.

"Don't you?" The voice behind the welding mask was deep, calm, faintly persuasive.

"Listen to me," said Rey. "Listen to my voice. This is a British accent. I sound like I went to Oxford."

"You also drove to school in a beater held together with baling wire and chewing gum."

"Don't talk smack about my car. That belonged to my parents."

"You want to fight me?" said Welding Mask. "Come on. You do, don't you. You wanna fight me bad."

"Sure," said Rey. "Take off the mask so I can rearrange your fricking face."

The boy complied.

"Whoa," said Rey, flinching.

"What?" asked the boy.

"Seriously? That nose."

"Don't even –"

"Nose."

"I'm warning you."

"Big damn nose."

"That's why we call him Kyloceraptor," volunteered one of the other students.

"Huh?" said Rey.

"Dinosaurs are big. His nose is big. Kyloceraptor."

"Everything is big on a dinosaur," said Kyloceraptor, significantly "Everything. Now let's fight so we can have makeup sex and a plate of flapjacks."


	4. Chapter 4

Meanwhile, at the Galaxy Café, Mr. and Mrs. Solo, divorced, were meeting for their weekly coffee date to discuss the progress of their son and his mysteriously large nose.

"I always hoped he'd grow into it," said Mrs. Solo. "But no. He gets bigger, and the nose gets bigger right along with him. You should see the Kleenex the kid runs through. The cat disappeared a few weeks ago. I halfway wondered if he'd inhaled it by accident."

"You know he didn't get that thing from my side of the family," said Mr. Solo.

"Well, he didn't get it from mine, either," said Mrs. Solo. They had this argument regularly, and were so used to it that they could recite their lines while thinking about other things. Mrs. Solo was thinking about astrophysics. Mr. Solo was thinking about squirrels.

"There's always plastic surgery," Mrs. Solo said.

"And ruin his promising career as one fourth of Mt. Rushmore?"

"It's not funny," said Mrs. Solo.

She was now thinking about string theory.

"It's always funny," said Mr. Solo.

He was still thinking about squirrels.


	5. Chapter 5

Principal Snoke, Man of Mystery. That's what it said on the name-plate of his office door. Not that anybody ever went in there. There was a cat-door through which his secretary shoved the mail, coffee and donuts in the morning, Filet of Fish sandwiches in the afternoon.

When Snoke communicated with the student body of Galaxy High School, it was via PowerPoint deck in the gym, projected onto the bare cinderblock wall. Everybody figured he was at least 105 years old. His secretary, going by the smell coming from the cat-door, surmised that he might actually be a cat. A cat whose litterbox desperately needed changing.

Kyloceraptor, it was said, was Principal's Pet. Kyloceraptor, it was hinted, was Snoke's eyes and ears in the school. All accomplished through Skyping. Kyloceraptor hiding in the broom closet. Which held exactly one broom. Small schools don't need more than that.

"Who is the new kid?" Principal Snoke wheezed.

"Some drifter with a 'tude and a billion-dollar booty."

"A pirate treasure?"

"No, Principal Snoke. Booty means derriere."

"And what does derriere mean? I failed French class. Tell no one."

Kyloceraptor sighed. "It's a variety of French wine."

"That costs a billion dollars?" Snoke's outrage was palpable.

"Wine snobs are crazy."


	6. Chapter 6

She could wear better clothes now. That was one thing about coming into so much money (just by outliving somebody! Crazy world). But the sartorial offerings of Galaxy, CA, were limited to a) Solo Western Wear, b) Hax Dollar Store, and c) Maz Petites. She wasn't a cowgirl or petite, and had never felt the urge to dress in cheap leggings and tube tops. So she checked out the contents of the old lady's closets. And believe you me, a 100-room mansion is going to have closets galore.

That was how it came to pass that she was wearing a genuine Worth gown of silk, embellished with scrolls of silk soutache, when Kyloceraptor pulled up in his tractor.

"You drive a tractor," said Rey.

"As you can see."

"That's pretty impressive."

"I think so, too."

"Chicks dig tractors."

"My experience bears this out."

"I'm being totally sarcastic."

"As I surmised."

"Guess I've got to get up pretty early in the morning to trick you, Sparky. Did you come here to fight me?" Rey asked. "Because as you can see, I'm not dressed for it."

"Yes. But seeing you in your antique evening attire has changed my mind. I came here to fight you, but I'll stay here to kiss you."

"Not happening."

Kyloceraptor thought a moment. "How about now?" he said.

"Negatory."

"Third time's the charm?"

"Aw, get over here, you big goof," she said playfully. Just before she punched him in the nose.

"Holy shit!" Kyloceraptor yelled, recoiling. "What the actual –"

"Rice on a frickin' cracker!" Rey exclaimed. "I think I just broke my hand!"

Kyloceraptor bloodied, Rey bruised, suddenly stopped yelping and flailing and stared deep into each other's eyes.

"Enough with the foreplay," said Kyloceraptor.

"Baby, you are going to earn your flapjacks tonight," said Rey.


	7. Chapter 7

But there were ghosts in that mansion. The ghost of a guy with a beard. The ghost of another guy with a beard. The ghost of a guy with an even fancier welder's mask that Kyloceraptor's. A ghost of a horned lizard. A ghost of a chicken sandwich. A ghost of a ghost's ghost. That one was weird. And the ghost of Rey's grandma, too.

The ghosts sat around and watched the making of flapjacks that happened some time after the last sex event and a lot more time after the first sex event. So many sex events happened that night that the ghosts lost count. They did not watch the sex events, because seriously, even ghosts aren't that creepy. But it was hard for even ghosts to ignore the incredibly vigorous squeaking of the bedsprings. And those two kids were not exactly discrete in the manner of vocalizing, either. What did they know? They thought they had all 100 rooms to themselves.

Had they known about the ghosts, they might have whispered.

Or not.

The End


	8. Chapter 8

Suddenly, a smelly hermit! "You will graduate now to ... GALAXY COMMUNITY COLLEGE!"


End file.
